Prayer in Thriving Marriage

Why Prayer is Essential to a Thriving Marriage

I prayed about my marriage.

I spent time asking God to grow us and to bring us closer.

But looking back I had no idea how important devoted and strategic prayer was to a healthy and thriving marriage.

When you spend devoted time in prayer, specifically about your marriage, you will find that several aspects of your marriage will change.


Why Prayer is Essential to a Thriving Marriage

1. Your Role


It is clear throughout Scripture that the role of a wife is to serve and submit to her husband and the role of a husband is to love his wife as himself.

Submission is extremely powerful when approached correctly.

So many people skew the intention that God has for us as wives. And because of this, so many wives resist this idea.

But think about the beauty of the picture that Christ paints through this.

Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ.

Think about all Christ did for the church. He died for her. And in that beautiful picture of sacrifice and love, the church surrenders to Christ.

Submission is so important in a healthy marriage. Consider approaching it with a new mindset today. Consider searching Scripture and seeking God’s will for you in marriage through prayer.

Now let us look at the call to husbands. Husbands, you are to love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

This call fits together in perfect harmony with the call to wives.

In a loving marriage, husbands are to love their wives by putting her before his needs and desires and serving her by sacrificing himself daily. And simultaneously wives, in trust, fully submits to her husband’s leading, knowing how deeply he loves and cares for her.

You may ask, what about when my spouse doesn’t love me this way?

How can I fully submit to a husband who doesn’t have my best intention in mind? How can I sacrifice my needs for a wife who doesn’t care or appreciate it at all?

These questions are tough. And the only way to approach this difficult situation is to call out to God in prayer.

When our spouses don’t love us as God has called them to, it is not our job to change them. We are not the ones who transform hearts. That is up to God and His perfect timing.

All we can do when our spouses don’t love us the way that God calls them to is to pray and pray hard.

[bctt tweet="All we can do when our spouses don’t love us the way that God calls them to is to pray and pray hard." username="NicoleAKauffman"]

And in the meantime we must do the best we can to follow the call that God places on us in our marriage.

We live in a sin-filled world and living up to the call that God has for us in marriage will take dedicated and fervent prayer. I encourage you to pray for this call and the desire to serve God and your spouse in this way daily.

As you begin to transform, God will answer your call and heal your marriage.


2. Your Grace and Patience


In devoted prayer, you will find that God will work in your heart.

He sees those who earnestly seek Him and He will transform you.

In a healthy marriage, you will need a lot of patience. In a relationship as close as marriage, you will at some point be affected by your spouse’s faults and shortcomings.

And in those moments, the best way to answer to God’s call in marriage is to show grace and patience.

I don’t know about you, but I find that days that I don’t pray for strength, I run out quick.

When my husband makes a mistake, I can easily run low on patience and grace.

I have found that I need to pray daily for the strength to be gracious and patient with him. And I also need to pray in the moment.

[bctt tweet="I have found that I need to pray daily for the strength to be gracious and patient" username="NicoleAKauffman"]

I would encourage you to pray for the strength to be patient and gracious with your spouse.


3. Your Heart for Service


Let’s face it, by nature we are all selfish to one degree or another. I know this because I didn’t escape this reality either.

Some are better at putting others first, but can you agree with me when I say that marriage opens your eyes to how selfish our hearts really are? It sucks. And it takes A LOT of work to overcome this.

From what I’ve learned, it will be an ongoing lifelong process, dealing with our selfishness.

It’s not easy, but God will transform us.

When we spend consistent time praying about our marriages, our hearts will grow closer to the Lord’s.

In time, a heart of service will flourish and you will find that you have more strength to serve your spouse no matter the circumstance.

[bctt tweet="When we spend consistent time praying about our marriages, our hearts will grow closer to the Lord’s." username="NicoleAKauffman"]

It’s easy to serve when things are great. But when you’re tested, serving is tough. When your spouse isn’t loving you very well, serving is tough.

But God calls us to it all the same. We are called to serve and build up our spouses. In prayer you can find the strength to do this.

I encourage you to spend time each day this week, even if only 5 minutes a day, praying for your spouse, for your marriage and for your heart.

Take time to lay your heart before the Lord and ask Him to open doors to a healthy and thriving marriage.



  1. I’m 64 years old and have been walking with God for 24 of those years. Now you can walk at a distance or hand in hand which I have just recently begun to do. Intimacy is rewarding and the same goes with a marriage. It’s hard to let go of control but God does things soooo much better. Thank you for your encouraging words. No matter the age we forget and those reminders are priceless. Your sister in Christ.

  2. Beautifully written timeless truths! This piece really reflects the name of your blog so well… you must have COURAGE to step out in faith and trust God, you must put your HOPE in that he is faithful to hear our prayers and sanctify is, and then we will truly LOVE God and our husbands better!

  3. Covering your marriage and your husband is absolutely essential for a healthy and strong marriage. Thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth. Blessings on your course.

  4. Great post, Nicole! Thanks for speaking the truth clearly and in a straightforward way, but doing so in love. I’m pinning on my “Posts Worth Reading” board and sharing on FB.

  5. I didn’t realize how sinful I was until I said “I do.” Wow. But we will celebrate 20 years in just a few months. πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing at Literacy Musing Mondays! Hope to see you again this week.

  6. Yes, Nicole, I agree “that marriage opens your eyes to how selfish our hearts really are?” πŸ™‚ I once heard it said that we learn to better love God and neighbor by striving to better love our spouse. I think that, slowly but surely, God is working through my marriage not only to make me a better wife but a better person.

    1. I completely agree, Melissa. God has changed me SO much since I’ve been married. I’ve truly learned another side to the deep love that God calls us to!

  7. Such great advice! The e-course looks great and full of helpful information for helping marriage!
    I’m going to be more intentional about praying for my marriage this week!

    1. Thanks, Julie! Digging into the foundation of a healthy and strong marriage has been so exciting. So glad you stopped by πŸ™‚

  8. Nicole, isn’t it almost funny how — when we pray for strength, God’s right there with it? As if to say — “All ya had to do was ask!” πŸ™‚ I also like your reminder to pray in the moment. We teach our children to count to 10, etc., but praying in the moment offers power those other techniques don’t have. Thanks for the reminder today to get outside of our own selfishness and serve our spouses with grace and patience. πŸ™‚ And, thanks for sharing with #ChasingCommunity today. πŸ™‚ ((xoxo))

  9. This is a good point, Nocle: β€œWhen you spend devoted time in prayer, specifically about your marriage, you will find that several aspects of your marriage will change.” And part of that change will be on OUR part. And we may not like it. ha. But in the end, it will be worth it! I’m so glad that God loves us enough to continue transforming us, even when we don’t realize how much we need it or when we fight him over it.

    1. That transformation of our own hearts is what we often don’t expect when we pray for our spouses, but it really is amazing how God works! Thanks, Lisa!

  10. I really like how you have elaborated on the role of the wive and the husband. It’s a great analogy. Both should submit to each other and always treat the other person with a kind heart.

    1. It can be so hard to look at our roles in our marriages with humble hearts, but there is so much beauty and reward in loving our spouses the way God calls us to! Thanks for stopping by, Nadine πŸ™‚

  11. Me and my fiance grew up in Baptist churches. We are now planning a marriage together but our journey to get to this point has been long and full of heartbreak. We both have gotten in a slump where we cut one another down and at the end of the day neither of us feel any better. We’re trying very hard to learn better habits but I know in my heart that what we need is Christ in the middle!

    1. Thank you for sharing, Savannah! Prayer is definitely one of the most important habits we can form in our marriages πŸ™‚

  12. Beautiful post, Nicole! I wrote about being a prayer warrior for my husband in my February blog series. So many themes here connect with what I wrote! Glad you shared in the Christian Women Bloggers Unite group today.

  13. I feel like the way the Bible describes marriage has been so twisted that when women hear they should submit to their husbands, it becomes laughable. However if some real study was put into the word, then the image (as you described in “your role”) will become more clear and produce healthy marriages. Such a great post!

  14. You have shared wonderful thoughts on praying for our marriages. Over the years (soon to be 38 years) of our marriage, I have found in praying for our marriage, God has changed me πŸ™‚ And in so doing, strengthened our marriage as well. Marriage is a journey – one that is forever changing us and I am so grateful to be on this journey with my man! Blessings!

  15. Majority of people look at submit to your husband is such negative terms. They don’t understand or perhaps even read the rest. How a husband and wife work together. Always start and end day with prayer alone and together.

  16. What a beautiful post! That is awesome that you created a course to help marriages. I also love how you explain the submissive role of the wife. It works beautifully in a healthy relationship.

  17. Your husband is your first ministry – prayer is so very important; our daughter is going through a divorce (by no choice of hers}, I keep reminding her to pray for her husband and their marriage and to pray for her future husband; God bless you

    1. That is so hard, but I completely agree, Jennifer, your husband is definitely your first ministry! Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

  18. I needed this reminder so much, thank you! I often tout the benefits of praying for my children, but neglect to also pray for my marriage. Loved the prompt to spend at least 5 minutes in prayer every day for my husband and my own heart!

    1. It is so easy to forget to pray for our marriages! But it is so important to! I’m glad you stopped by Marisa πŸ™‚

    1. It really shows the power of God, especially when we do it without acknowledgement! I’m so glad prayer is transforming your marriage, Sarah!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I accept the Privacy Policy