How to Overcome Satan’s Attacks on a Biblical Marriage

God calls us to live united in marriage and all throughout Scripture are descriptions of what a biblical marriage looks like. And Satan knows this, probably better than we do. He knows how powerful a biblical marriage is. 

And so he attacks us. He wants our marriages to be filled with tension, selfishness, and insecurity. He wants us living far from the loving marriage that God calls us to.

Know What God Calls Us to in Marriage

In order to stand against Satan’s attacks on our marriages, we have to know the truth. We have to know what God calls us to in order to determine where Satan is leading us astray. 

I shared in a recent post about how I began to recognize Satan’s attacks on unity in my marriage and in the same way, we must pray that God would reveal Satan at work.

The best way to see where we are being attacked is to know Scripture and to know where God calls us.

Wives, Submit

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. -Ephesians 5:22-24

As wives, we are called to submit. This one is tough! I can be quite stubborn and headstrong when it comes to...well, pretty much everything. So to submit initially seems so far from my natural tendencies.

But I think that the first reason it is tough to heed this is because it is often misinterpreted. 

When Paul speaks of submission in marriage, he is painting a beautiful picture of what God intends for a healthy and thriving relationship.

But submission can be summed up as simply, respect. And respect requires more than just blindly following your husbands commands and forgoing all that you think and care about.

There have been so many times in my marriage when I thought I was submitting. I’d done or given up what was asked.  But I saw the effects of my attitude tear at my husband.

My sulking or the cold shoulder that I offered in an attempt to deal with my disappointment caused my husband to doubt himself.

But in this beautiful picture that Paul is painting, our husbands are called to be the head of the house. To lead. 

When we fail to submit, we drive a wedge into our husbands’ attempt to lead our family.

And several times, I have seen this cause my husband and so many others to step back and to take the role of passivity. And whether it is just when it comes to one specific area or as a whole in marriage, we tear down the opportunity for God’s intention in marriage when we fail to align our hearts with our roles to submit.

In order to truly align my heart with my role in submitting to my husband, I have to be active and aware. I have to take time with God every day. And this is always a learning process.

Submission isn’t something that takes away our independence and our purpose, but it helps us to thrive within our marriages.

Husbands, Love

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. -Ephesians 5:25

As important as submission is in order to help our husbands fully live out their role of leadership within our families, so is their call to love us as wives. 

Speaking from personal experience and from those I’ve heard from others, when a wife feels truly loved, cherished, valued and cared for by her husband, she comes alive. 

When a husband loves his wife in a sacrificial way, as Christ loved the church, it leads to a marriage environment where, not only can both spouse’s thrive, but God’s powerful will can be done.

I often view this submission and love as a cycle that fuels a thriving marriage. When a husband feels respected and sees his wife submit, he finds confidence and strength to lead and motivation to love and sacrifice. 

We step into our true roles when the other is living in theirs.

But What About When My Spouse Isn’t?

Oh how often this question follows these descriptions. It is so hard to be the first to step into the role that God calls us to.

It is so hard to love and respect someone who is not loving you well. And it is so hard to continually sacrifice and serve someone who doesn't respect you.

And yet there is no and, if or buts in these verses. We are called to submit as wives and to love as husbands no matter what.

We are called to be the first to love in this way. Over and over.

As you continue to read Scripture, you will see endless verses on forgiving even when you keep being hurt, on serving even when you aren’t thanked, on being the hands and feet of Christ to those around you.

If your spouse is not loving you in the way that God calls, this is often an opportunity to grow closer to God as you love them and serve them. 

How Satan Attacks

Satan is going to attack these roles in marriage. He is going to do all he can to convince us wives that we shouldn’t submit or don’t need to submit. Or even more, he is going to convince us that we are submitting when we are not.

I can’t tell you how many times I rationalize my actions, believing that I am submitting when really I am acting selfishly or unlovingly.

He is going to do all he can to draw husbands away from sacrificing for and serving their wives. He is going to try to convince you that you are doing just that when you aren’t.

Satan wants us living outside of this beautiful picture of what God wants for us in marriage.

And so we have to be aware of when this is happening.

Pray for Wisdom

We must pray that God would reveal where Satan is attacking us. We have to humbly ask Him to show us where we are not living in this call.

Take time to write out a prayer for wisdom. Take time to pray it daily.

Pray that God would show you how you can love your spouse well. How you can live in this call He has for you in your marriage.

Serve in Spite of Everything

Another way to overcome Satan’s attacks is to seek to serve your spouse no matter what.

No matter how much they hurt you with their words. No matter how much they fail to do what you asked. No matter how much time they spend away. No matter how much you desire intimacy. No matter what.

Pray for opportunities to serve your spouse and do it. As we serve our spouses, through everything, we will find our hearts changing. God will transform your heart, and often your spouse’s, as you step forward in faith.

Surround Yourself with Encouragement

We tend to become like those around us. If you surround yourself with those who complain about their spouses, with those who don’t value marriage and those who don’t care about yours, you will find it hard to truly love your spouse.

My husband and I try very hard not to complain about each other to others. And it helps when we are surrounded by those who will keep us accountable.

Find friends, mentors and a church body who will keep you accountable, encourage you toward a godly marriage and be there for you when you struggle in your marriage.

It is so important to be surrounded by those who will walk with you towards God’s call for marriage.

And if it is possible, talk to your spouse. When you accidentally complain, find a way to make it right. 

I have found myself apologizing to my friend and my spouse when I have complained or spoke badly about my husband. 

Our words have power, so let’s fight Satan’s attacks on our marriage by speaking truth and speaking love.

Have you seen Satan attacking your marriage? What have you done to find encouragement or to overcome Satan’s attacks on a biblical marriage? Share with me below!